piecesofpeace1

Daily Ground – – -February 10

Being an unselfish parent means letting our children suffer. It is often worse for us than for them.

I wish I had been meditating and practicing mindfulness when my children were young or even before I had children.  In counseling parents and in seeing my own drives to control and keep my kids comfortable, I see how much of my parenting was about making me comfortable.

I was pretty laid back with some things – like germs. But I was so full of guilt and fear about either not being with them enough or about them being with people I didn’t know.  Most of this came from my own old fears of childhood.  I would rush home from grad school not because my kids needed me but because I needed them.  I was using them to fill some void in me.  This was all dressed up in something that looked like good parenting.

As I’m ready to launch my oldest to college, I see so clearly now that my children are individual human beings.  That aren’t successful because of me.  I am not beaming because of their accomplishments – they are! What kind of parents have we become that we mold our kids to be something because it makes us comfortable.

The most important thing you can teach your child is how to sit still and be uncomfortable. But how many of us jumped and danced and did anything so they would be comforted.  When a child learns to be uncomfortable, only then can she bear life.  They will then be able to handle life on life’s terms without numbing with food, or drink, or drugs, or self-mutilation.  They will be free.

Peace.

Daily Ground- – -February 9

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
― Kahlil Gibran

I cried eating sauerkraut today.  Not the tears running out of your eyes crying, but the inside heart sadness crying.  My husband suggested I go to our local coffee shop and try the Polka Pie. A homemade hot pie with kielbasa, red potatoes and sauerkraut.  As soon as I tasted the sauerkraut, a full range of sad emotions poured over me. It reminded me of how my mom would cry singing Polish songs.

I didn’t want to leave the shop.  There have been times in my life where I’ve wanted to run from sadness, but now I don’t mind it. When it involves history, it makes me feel closer to a past I’m beginning to forget with less and less people around to help me piece it together.

I wanted to stay in the coffee shop. I felt close to my mom. I didn’t mind the feelings at all. The coffee shop was closing at 6, so I did indeed need to leave.  The feeling dissipated. Why fear them? Feelings come and go.  I’m grateful to be awake enough to experience them.

Peace.

Daily Ground – – -February 4

“I sing to the realists . People who accept it like it is .”
― Aretha Franklin

I’m a realist. I’m sometimes  mistaken for a pessimist, but I’m definitely not.  I have simply journeyed enough to experience both joy and pain, love and indifference, birth and death. Why would I expect the rest of the path to be much different than the way I’ve come. I expect to experience more joy and pain, more love and indifference, more birth and death.

One could even argue that joy is that much brighter because one knows pain. Anyone who has experienced darkness knows the light as brighter than those usually in the sun. I find more peace by accepting the darkness and accepting the light. I’m a realist.

Peace.

Daily Ground- – -February 2

Today – may I be granted the ability to meet each person and situation as if it is brand new. May I forget any past difficulties or preconceived notions. For it is only in this new space that I can see truth.    It is only when I can be in the present moment, that I can accept people and events just as they are.

Peace.

Daily Ground – – -February 1

Peace. It doesn’t mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. – – Unknown

Some days – I’m just irritable. Little things enrage me. Because I’m a seeker of peace – I have an awareness that the rage is just silly.  Most of my problems are problems of luxury, so when these problems make me want to jump out of my skin, I just stop.

Breathe in goodness. Say out loud, “These are problems of luxury.” Then stop.  Stopping brings me to the realization that I haven’t slept well, or haven’t eaten well, or I’m trying to meet some professional deadline. Then I forgive myself for being human and continue on with just a little more peace in my heart.

Peace.

Daily Ground- – -January 31

First – unclench your fists. The hardest part of praying is letting go of our resentments, bitterness, and anger–and that means not holding back from God. – – -Henri Nouwen

The other morning I awoke and was disappointed because my plans were ruined. It’s never good to be grumpy before you leave the sheets. There were some unexpected weather related delays, and something I was planning on attending was cancelled. As I began my daily devotions of prayer, mediation, and writing, I noticed my jaw was tight and my fists were clenched.

I walked away knowing I had to let go.

I opened the curtains and looked outside. Another frigid morning. I took a deep breath in, and continued looking. It was beautiful outside. The blue sky. The snow covered ground. The red cardinal.

I relaxed. The fists opened. The jaw loosened.  I returned to my morning devotions. I let go. I started my day over.

Peace.

Daily Ground – – – January 26

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”

― Thích Nhất Hạnh

So many of us spend  energy trying to be something we are not. At delusional times in my life I even convinced myself that I was doing or being something for myself when in reality I was trying to be something for someone else’s approval.

Today my goal is to know myself, and then to accept who I am and am not.  When I can create space between myself and others, I don’t depend on others’ judgment of me to make me whole or content.

Peace.

Daily Ground- – -January 25

“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Most of us are afraid to be “real!”  We work diligently to keep our hair colored, our skin taut, and our faces smooth and wrinkle- less.   I wish people could see themselves through the eyes of a loved one. The beauty of friendship and kindness, their ability to be honest and available – these things are real! They aren’t ugly because of their wrinkles or grey hair, or cellulite – these things make us real!  No matter how hard we try – if we live long enough – we will all be “real” someday. . .if we are lucky.

Peace.

Daily Ground – – -January 24

Wise beyond her years.

I wonder if this is a complement? From what I’ve seen, wisdom comes from living, and living comes with pain. If someone is “wise beyond his or her years,” this most likely means they’ve earned the wisdom through some painful life lessons.

When I was younger, I moved through some painful things into the light in my mid 20’s. I chose a different way of life after my current chosen path had beaten me pretty badly. This brought with it some wisdom. Because the light of my new path was so delicious and warm, I didn’t fear the darkness in the same way anymore.  I actually welcomed it. I had learned intuitively that if I made it through the pain and lessons that life threw at me, the light would be warm and delicious.

I lived in this cycle for many years.  Eventually I hit some darkness that beat me so badly, I almost wished I could succumb to it as opposed to walking through to the other side.  It took years to get through.  I got a little gun-shy. Where I had previously welcomed darkness thinking it always led to the light, I now accepted it, knowing it was a part of life. A path most of us wind up on even if we try to avoid it. You can’t avoid life, and you can’t avoid death, but these cycles are easier to get through if I don’t struggle. And now – I’m blessed with wisdom.

Peace.