piecesofpeace1

Seduced by the American Dream

I’ve recently been feeling like I’ve been seduced by the American Dream.  It’s not a bad dream really. It’s just not for me.  The other day I finally got around to cleaning my house.  I don’t get to do that very much because I work a lot trying to pay the mortgage on the house, pay the astronomical fuel bills to travel 20 miles to work from the house, and save even a little to get the kids out of the house and into college.

I was putting away the winter dishes and getting out the regular Mikasa Southwest Pattern dishes we got for our wedding.  I was onto something then. I knew I didn’t want crystal – I wanted good, cool dishes. But something happened.  I began wanting the crystal (I still don’t have it), and the winter dishes, and the manicured lawn, and the deck. I got a lot of it, except I realize now it’s not at all what I want.

I was dusting the inside of china cabinet (a second hand one like most of our furniture), and realizing the ridiculousness of having all of these stupid dishes! Talk about excess! And now I have to dust them and display them (in a second hand china cabinet)! That’s when it hit me.  This isn’t my dream. It was my sister’s dream and my mom’s dream. They are the reason I even live 20 miles outside the city.  They loved it out here. I love the city!

Many people love it out here, and that is great. . .for them.  Now my kids go to school in the city, and my husband and I both work in the city.  We all love the amenities, the independently owned chic stores and restaurants, and the diversity of the city.  We spend a lot of time there, and our poor dog spends a lot of time out here.

I’m 50. I think this all has something to do with the freedom of turning 50. Years ago I purchased things so that visitors to my home would like it.  Now I want to downsize.  I really want to simply enjoy the people I love. That is my dream.  I hate cleaning and painting and gardening. I love people. I love conversation. I love connections. I don’t even mind much of the work I do.  I need to create a new dream, and pray I live long enough to make it come true.

Peace.

(Not the Usual) Daily Ground- – – February 19

Daily Ground- – – February 24

Aging without Botox isn’t always easy.

I am not sure why people have a difficult time with aging.  I attended a lecture by Gloria Steinem when I was in my 20’s and she said that with each passing decade she becomes freer.  It isn’t as important to die your hair or hold your stomach in.  I feel the same way.  I spend a lot less time in front of a mirror, and I appreciate comfort.

I got a surprise this week however. I was with one of my teen daughters and her friend. We were out eating, and my daughter was messing with my phone. I was busy eating, and I realized she was taking selfies but including my profile in her pictures. It was all in good fun and she was using my phone.  We laughed as we scrolled through the many pictures she had snapped.  But then I noticed the . . .I don’t know what to call it. . .the drooping on my jowl.  The indentations.  I mean I was chewing, but still.  I was surprised.

What do I do with this? Nothing. Nothing to do with it.  I share it because it is surprising. As long as I stay away form the mirrors, I like so much that comes with aging. Although this may give me a bit of insight into others who may run to the plastic surgeon in hopes they can outrun aging, I am glad I’m not taking that route. I will sit with this, and most likely forget all about it until the next photo catches the nuance of my aging face. Still, as the saying goes, getting old certainly isn’t for sissies.

Peace.

Daily Ground- – – February 23

I am not a big fan of our consumerist society.  It took me almost 50 years to just say NO to all the pretty colors and fabrics that I can’t afford and do not need. I remember years ago discussing with my peers the costs of plastic surgery, teeth whitening and giant mini-mansions.  Most believed that if they had the money they would get the “work” done or buy the mansion.  I argued that even if I could afford that stuff, I would hope I would make choices to live simply and give the excess money to causes I believed would make the world a better place.

But would I?  I certainly have squandered money on useless things I thought would buy me peace or happiness. My lesson now is to sit with the choices I have made. I watch my daughters manage money in a more discerning way than I have. Hoping that watching me grow, they have been handed the ability to make healthier choices that provide more freedom. Isn’t that what we all really want anyway – enough freedom to sleep well at night?

Peace.

Daily Ground- – -February 22

Not having any choice is sometimes easier than having to decide.

I recently heard someone share that during an especially painful time in her life, she would stand in the store overwhelmed because she could not make a decision of which body wash to buy.  I certainly have had those moments when even the smallest decision seems like a chore. It still sometimes happens on the rare occasions we go out to eat as a family.  Where to go? It’s as if we are trying to figure out a solution to world peace. Too many choices.

There are bigger issues. When to take someone off of life support, which job offer to take, do I go to the college that offers no debt or my dream school?  Confusion is often the first emotion that arises. If I can picture the confusion as a big red stop sign, I can usually get through. It’s when I let the confusion overwhelm me that I can’t get clarity and I begin spinning.

If I let the confusion turn to fear, it becomes increasingly difficult to make the decision. I begin clawing for perfection, as if a wrong decision could kill me. I get into a mindset that lets me forego the good striving for the perfect, and I am paralyzed. When I simply stop at confusion, create space, and wait, then the decision will come.

Peace.

Daily Ground – – -February 18

The only way to win the rat race is to be a rat!

I don’t buy into the message of survival of the fittest.  Darwin also talked a lot about cooperation, but we don’t hear much about that.  Worst of all, in the US, survival of the fittest has everything to do with wealth. So if you have 1 million, 2 million is better.  From what I see, wealth also buys you a ton of misery.

I say this as someone who very much lives within this rat race (I don’t have millions!).  I have lots of stuff; too much stuff.  And still, I have that fist like feeling in my gut that tells me I’ll never have as much as you. I’m ready to get out of the rat race.  I figure either way I go, there will be pain.  I can continue in the race – working, working, working, collecting stuff, little time to enjoy those I love. Or I can simplify.  Get rid of stuff. Downsize.  Make choices that feed me spiritually.

There is no easy way out of this race, but bringing these thoughts to awareness, sharing them with spiritual friends and mentors, will certainly change the way I enter into the dialogue, and the stores.

Peace.

Daily Ground- – -February 17

Cast your ‘mind nets’ wide in order to gain perspective.

I was emotionally and spiritually bankrupt in my early life. I was so broken and full of guilt and shame. I had no perspective in my life – I  was completely unable to create distance between my feelings and facts.

I remember a time when I had a rather ugly blemish on my face. It was one of those white heads that was ready to pop and looked angry. I was messing with it in the mirror, and I pulled back a bit from the mirror. Rather than just seeing the zit, my entire face came into focus. Unfortunately, I had no perspective. All I saw was the zit! I had become an ugly, angry zit – afraid to be seen.

This was during my darkest days; it was shortly before I began intentionally practicing a spiritual life. After months or maybe years of practicing mindfulness, I had another blemish on my face.  As I looked in the mirror I was reminded of the time I couldn’t get perspective.  The dark time in my life when my self-centeredness would allow a small blemish to ruin whole days. This day though, as I pulled back from the mirror and more of me came into view, I saw my entire self, with a small pimple on my chin.

Peace.

Daily Ground- – -February 11

“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.”
― Socrates

If we take time to realize what we have, we may have a chance at stopping our minds from convincing us our wants are so important. I have wasted moments wishing I had things just out of reach. When I bring myself back to the present moment and breath in, I am content with what I have.

I need very little to please me.  It’s you – out there – that needs a lot. When I want to please you by what I wear or my furniture or my zip code, that’s when it’s impossible to find peace and contentment.

Peace.